my girl.

Well here it goes. I have wanted to write Hosanna's birth story since the moment I brought her home. Time shortage + a two year old has kept me from sitting down.. but here I am with my diet dr. pepper and beer bread from last night's dinner and I am ready!

Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Hosanna I knew I wanted to have a natural birth. Yes, Henry's birth was one reason I wanted to try natural, but more so I wanted to give it a shot because I felt the Lord wanted me to.

Since I was a wee one I always struggled to believe I could do things well and constantly "gave up" on things before even trying. For example I would work my butt off in school until my grade in a class dropped down to a B. Once my grade was there I figured.. eh why not get a C?!

So naturally when getting pregnant the thought of having a "hard or painful" birth was something that was intimidating to me. I have a low pain tolerance and really enjoy being comfortable. I kept having these thoughts in my head saying "Just trust me... you will feel my love through this process." This was so scary to me because God did not tell me, "You are not going to have a successful natural birth", or "I am going to take all the pain away." I had to trust Him and be obedient.

I knew in my head God still loves me the same if I got an epidural, but I had a constant feeling that I would experience His deep love for me if I chose to have a natural birth.

Throughout my pregnancy this was an ongoing prayer between the Lord and I. It was also very healing for me and my relationship with Him. I really struggle to believe that God loves me and that I am His daughter. I continued to feel a prompting in my heart to ASK God for great things and be expectant that I would experience Him.

So month after month, I would begin each day with a prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to bless my pregnancy, my baby and my labor. I would then bless myself and speak out how I am a child of Christ.

We hired a doula recommended by a friend. (if you are interested in a natural birth, I would recommend her!) A doula is basically a birth coach. They do not do anything medical but simply help you prepare and assist you in the birth plan you desire. She was so helpful in preparing me with what to expect for my labor.

Jordan was hilarious as usual during this entire process. In the nicest way possible, he wasn't too helpful. Our doula gave him some books to read, and they collected dust. He was the most excited that there was a "Contraction Timer" app on his iPhone and he couldn't wait to use it.

So as my due date drew closer, the more nervous I got. Having a baby around Christmas always makes the days a little more stressful because I did not want Hosanna to be born on Christmas eve or day. Jordan didn't want her born on New Years day because he did not want to miss the ducks in the Rose Bowl. I did not experience many contractions before I went into labor so I never had any inklings that labor was coming soon.

My due date came and went. I was late with Henry and got induced so I was praying more and more this would not be the same situation with Hosanna. Thankfully my doctors this time around were WONDERFUL! They truly believe at letting the baby come when he/she is ready. Not only did they never mention induction, they also never checked my cervix either. I was left to trust that my body could go into labor on its own... something it had never done before.

I continued to make small plans every day before the baby came to keep busy. I became a regular "mall walker." I also tried almost all the tricks to get labor into gear. (i say almost all because nipple stimulation and caster oil did not appeal to me... even in desperation!)

Finally January 3rd came and I woke up feeling like I had the flu. Being very nauseous I took many trips to the bathroom. I was not having contractions but my body felt very strange. I texted Jordan and said "this might be it." Not knowing what labor feels like naturally, I assumed something must have been happening. Before I knew it Jordan called me and told me he was headed home from work. Of course as soon as he got there I felt 100% better. Jordan ended up lounging on the couch all afternoon while I played with Henry. ...i think he just wanted a day off.... ;)

The next day I woke up feeling completely normal. I spent the morning playing with the Hankster. As I was making lunch I started to feel some really mild period like cramps. They were so mild that I did not even think to time them or consider them as "actual labor." Around two I put Henry down for his nap and noticed the cramps were coming on a consistent basis. Jordan got home from work around then as well but was on a call with his three best friends.

I decided to try and distract myself because I didn't want to get over excited and wear myself out. It could be a long labor ahead and I didn't want to use all my energy freaking out about some mild cramps. I started watching Parenthood on hulu. Half way through the show I noticed my cramps were consistently five minutes a part and were becoming more and more painful. I had to breathe through them but felt completely fine in between. Around 3 I told Jordan he needed to get off the phone because I thought this may be actual labor.

I sat on the toilet for the next half hour just breathing through the contractions. Jordan was so excited to use his Contraction timer. At this point I was having contractions every three to five minutes and they were about 45 seconds long. Jordan kept asking me every three minutes the intensity level of the contractions. After about five times I told him to stop asking me that because I knew I was in actual labor. We called the doctor and he said I could head in whenever I needed to. I was super hesitant about going in because while the contractions were close together they weren't that painful. I had no idea how far along I was, and did not want to go to the hospital too early.

We told the doula to head down to the house because I was getting pretty uncomfortable. Its kind of surreal explaining this part of my labor. I had an unnatural peace over me. I felt such intense pain yet at the same time its like I could feel my cervix opening and my pelvis expanding. It was a different kind of pain. I would pace back and forth in my bathroom then stop and brace myself by hanging onto Jordan during each contraction. Jordan kept trying to give me advice on what to do.. my response was "You didn't read any of the books so don't act like you know what you are talking about." He kind of chuckled when I said that bc he knew I was right! ;)

Around 4:45 I went to sit on the toilet again and I noticed some blood in my underwear. I was not sure what this meant, but took it as a sign that we should probably head to the hospital. It was also around rush hour and I did not want to have the baby on the highway. We hit EVERY red light while in the car, and called the doula to tell her to meet us at the hospital. Our Jesus Culture cd was playing while we were driving and I remember hearing the lyrics to one of the songs:

I want to know You

Let your Spirit overwhelm me

Let your presence overtake my heart...

Listening to that over and over really helped me get through that drive. I entered a trance like state where I just kind of sat there and stared forward, breathing through each contraction. I repeated over and over "I hate this.... I hate this..." I guess I wanted Jordan to know I really did not like the pain that I was in. I must have said that thirty times throughout my labor. Those lyrics also reminded me how the Lord was wanting me to experience Him and cling to Him during this time... and I knew He was. I could feel His peace within me even though I was in so much pain.

Once we got to the hospital my contractions were right on top of each other. I told Jordan, if I am less that seven centimeters I am FOR SURE getting an epidural. Getting to the hospital room took much longer than expected. Every minute I had a minute long contraction. Thankfully a L&D nurse was in the hallway and she pushed on my back as hard as she could through each contraction, as I walked to my room. I cannot tell you how much that helped the pain!! It was truly a God send. I seriously think that nurse was an angel because she was so helpful, and brought so much peace to my situation.

Once I entered the room my nurse began asking me some basic questions. She clearly did not think I was close to delivery and she acted like I was being a little dramatic. I don't want to include too many details about the nurse because she was not pleasant and having her around is not what I want to remember about the experience.

The only thing that brought relief to my pain was having someone push hard on my lower back. My nurse needed to check my cervix so I laid down. I cannot tell you how painful it was. Once I laid down I expected her to check me right away since she knew I was in so much pain. Instead she proceeded to ask me five minutes worth of questions like "Do you have an STD? Are you allergic to any meds? etc..." This made me so angry/frustrated because she could have asked me these things while I was standing.

Finally she checked my cervix and she said I was 8 cm and my water was about to burst. When I heard that I burst into tears. For all I knew, I could have been at two... instead I was basically in transition! I got out of the bed and continued to stand, then lean on Jordan during the contractions. Jordan was so helpful in that he just stood there, encouraged me and let me bite him while my contractions were at its peak. My doula suggested I get into the shower. I was feeling a strong urge to push so I did not want to. She then suggested I sit on the toilet again to help my pelvis expand.

After a few contractions on the toilet I heard a noise like a gunshot. I had no idea what it was but then realized my water broke. Saying my water "broke" is such an understatement. It EXPLODED. Thank the Lord my doula suggested I sit on the toilet because if I had been standing Jordan would have been COVERED in amniotic fluid. (and he didn't bring any extra pants!)

Moments after my water broke I had a STRONG urge to push. I mean STRONG. I told everyone around me that I was pushing and I don't think they believed I was really PUSHING (like pushing the baby out kind of pushing.) The doula went to go get the nurse and Jordan encouraged me to get off the toilet. The pain was so intense I did not want to move. Then he said "Elizabeth if you don't get off this toilet, the baby is going to fall in."

So I got up and headed over to the bed. I remember holding onto Jordan's neck and giving a hard push while standing there. The contractions hurt so much and the pushing was such a relief. It burned a little but it felt so good to work with my body to get my baby out. After one or two strong pushes I felt Hosanna's head between my legs. The nurse saw the cord was around her neck so she had me squat down to push the rest of the body out. As soon as she was out the pain was completely over. My doctor did not even make it in time to deliver the baby. (because my nurse told him it would be a while til I needed to push... that darn nurse.. grrr)

I cried and said "I did it" over and over. I remember feeling so loved. I could physically feel God's love over me. It was so clear to me that the Lord called me into a place of need and expectancy and He came through for me. Rather than giving up or surrendering to the spirit of fear I chose to rely on Him. From first contraction to when the baby was out was about 6 hours long... such a short time!

I remember looking down and seeing my sweet little girl. She looked just like me as a baby and gave a great big cry. I had such an adrenaline rush. I remember calling friends and family and saying excitedly, "I just had a baby!!!" Half of them did not believe me because I sounded so alert and happy.. and well.. not in pain! :)

Looking back on my entire pregnancy and labor, it was such a season of praise to the Lord. He is so good to me and loves me so well. Facing my fear of having a natural labor has also helped eliminate my fears of being a stay at home mama with two kids. Rather than expecting it would be hard, I have just taken it one day.. no wait.. one minute at a time!

Hosanna is my sweet little girl. I love hanging out with her. When she looks at me with her sweet sweet eyes I just want to shower her with kisses and snuggles. She truly is a gift from the Lord. I love her personality already. Whenever she hasn't seen Jordan for a while and he smiles at her, she gives the biggest grin. Her first giggle was also when her daddy was smiling and talking to her.

Thank you Jesus for entering into my pregnancy, labor and motherhood. You love me so personally and deeply! Thank you for Hosanna Nelle and the joy she brings to everyone she is around. You deserve all the praise!