"leave me alone"

I did something today that I will probably remember for a long long time.  I know that may sound dramatic, and maybe it is.  Henry had an especially whiny morning and he kept following me around asking for things he know he can't have.  All I remember is him pulling on my leg asking for something and me turning around and saying "Leave me alone."

The look on his face looked so sad and confused.  He never heard that saying before. I think what upset him the most was he could feel my heart behind my words.  My attitude was saying "You are a bother to me."  And I think it stung his heart...

Thats the thing about having kids.  They are around you at your lowest points.  You are unfiltered and tired.  Weak and irritable.

"Leave me alone." I basically told Henry I did not want fellowship with him.  Something Jordan and I feel really strongly about is we are the first and biggest examples to our kids of God.  The way we speak to our kids and treat them will turn into their views of God.  For example if we scream at our kids, they will see God as an angry God.  If we don't pay attention to them, they will see God as passive and uninterested.  Aside from that, I love having a relationship with Henry.  I don't want him to leave me alone.  I want to share my life with him everyday.

While I am not going to beat myself up about my comment but I am thankful for the conviction I felt in that moment.  Many of us will never beat our kids, call them stupid or neglect their basic needs.  At the same time, kids get wounded and hurt by their parents, even if it is the smallest comment or snub.

I thought I would share this moment on here because I know a lot of other parents are probably in the same boat every now and again.  Its okay... God's grace is enough.  And surprisingly, two year olds can be really forgiving.  :)