Why?? (Part 2 of 4)

I'm continuing my series of posts explaining what we felt the Lord gave us as reasons He was leading us into a Sabbath year. At the time we were still very fearful of the idea and we specifically asked Him to give us some reasons that were compelling enough to cause us to say yes to this crazy idea, in spite of all of the unknowns.

Freedom into Relationship (Part 2 of 4)

About a year ago Elizabeth and I were sitting in the living room I grew up in, enjoying the last night of a week long visit with my family out West. Ironically I was sitting in the same living room just a few days ago as we concluded a 5 week trip to Oregon. Oregon is where I was born and raised and it is a place that I miss often and it is full of people whom I miss even more. A year ago most of the family had filled the living room late into the night and we began chatting and asking each other questions. I posed the question..."If you were to die tomorrow, would you have any regrets?" Somewhat of a morbid thought at the time but a compelling question nonetheless. Answers began coming from around the room as I considered the question for myself...I certainly wasn't living in a way that I consciously knew I'd regret...in fact this train of thought wasn't completely foreign to me. I often tried to put the decisions I made for myself and my family through the filter of "would this be something I may regret later." So there I sat imagining the plane I'd be on the next day going down and wondering if any regret would enter my mind (like I said...I realize it was a bit morbid)

Relationship was what came to mind; and probably because I was sitting in my family's living room my relationship with them was at the forefront. I had moved away from home almost 10 years previous; originally planning to be away from Oregon at college for a maximum of 4 years that ultimately turned into 10 as I lived out one of my mother's worst nightmares (meeting a midwest girl, marrying a midwest girl, living in the midwest with a midwest girl, and finally having midwest babies). Now to clarify, my mother loves my wife and has been very gracious in never heaping an ounce of guilt on me for growing some roots thousands of miles away. Nevertheless home and family have always been things that have been extremely difficult to be away from. So as it came my time to answer the question I decided that if my plane were to go down the next day I would legitimately regret never having been able to find a way for my little family to live closer to my big family. I would regret my kids not knowing my parents in the same way I had the opportunity to know and love my grandparents who lived next door. I'd regret my parents missing out on key milestones of our lives and having to hear the stories or see the pictures rather than be in the room. Now I understand and recognize that we are extremely blessed in that we have Elizabeth's family close by...and I am so thankful that they and my kids are getting to know and experience life with each other at such a deep level. While that has been amazing and we are so thankful, unfortunately it doesn't remove the pain and sadness I feel for my side of the family, and at times I think it may even accentuate and remind me of how hard it is to be away from them.

We caught a plane the next morning which thankfully didn't in fact go down, and returned to frigid Cincinnati. I headed back to work the next morning and we transitioned back into our daily groove not giving much more thought to the conversations in the living room. Ironically it wasn't more than a few weeks that went by before the idea of taking a Sabbath year first surfaced. That night is obviously still very vivid in my mind, and I remember one of the most exciting possibilities to me as we threw around what it may look like was the ability to spend an extended amount of time with my family out West. Eliz has been so gracious to me in supporting my desire to visit often over the years, and the Lord had provided tickets and time off of work for all of us to visit at least two times every year since we've been married. These times were great and I am so thankful for them, but as you can imagine there are a variety of stresses and frustrations that come with trying to pack 6 months of catching up and reconnecting with an immediate family of 12 and an extended family of 50 into a jam packed week complete with nap schedules and time zone changes.

As time went on and the Lord continued to help us wrestle through the fears of actually taking the plunge into a Sabbath year, the opportunity for relationship and a freedom to invest in relationship in a unique and special way for a season was captivating. It wasn't just my family whom we felt had been relationally neglected...we began to think about our kids and what it might look like for them to get our best rather than whatever we had left over after a long day of work for me or taking care of them solo for Elizabeth. We thought about how much more intentional and effective we could be in training and discipling out of a place of love and creativity rather than exhaustion. We dreamed of the adventures we could take with our kids both while they are young and especially in future Sabbath years. We thought about how valuable it would be if we could expose them to a world much different than the bubble they'll grow up in; possibilities for family mission trips, road trips and travel or maybe even living overseas. We considered how many opportunities and invitations we had received from friends over the years which we regretfully had to say "no" to because I was exhausted or had to be up at 3:45a the next morning. We laughed about the reputation I had now firmly earned as the one who invites people over for dinner and soon falls asleep on the couch mid-conversation as my wife apologizes and entertains our guests the rest of the night until I wake up to say goodbye. We remembered how much we valued the depth of relationships we had been able to experience in college and what it might look like to have the freedom for our home to be a place where people were invited in often and could stay late. And finally we imagined what a far reaching and profound effect a season of placing even more intentionality and energy on the strength of our marriage would have. What a blessing it would be to Elizabeth to have a season of increased rest and to have a partner at home each day with the kids. What a benefit regular date nights and time away for me and Elizabeth would be as we work towards being unified in a common vision for our family and continuing to fall in love.

We firmly believe that the majority of life change happens in the context of relationship. We firmly believe that the most genuine and long lasting life change happens within the context of relationship. And we firmly believe that any time/energy/finances devoted towards relationship are a worthy investment. For this reason we are praying and hoping that a year focused on and prioritizing relationships will have profound impacts not only in our own lives and the lives of our friends and family, but more importantly in the Kingdom of heaven.

Relationship is obviously not impossible for a person who isn't taking a Sabbath year. What I found in my own life, however, was that there were relationships that were being neglected as a result of my inability to prioritize them while working. I imagine I am not alone in this; the pressures and stresses of work, along with the simple logistics of spending at least 40 hours a week away from your family make relationship hard. What I came to realize was that getting to experience relationship on a deep level was worth some significant sacrifices. I think we often try to fit relationship into our already full lives. What we are forgetting is that relationship is one of the main engines of our lives. When we are low on relational capital we suffer, our families suffer, and those around us suffer.

Our goal as a family this year is to experience the importance and power of relationships to such a degree that we leave this Sabbath year changed. If we go back into the next 6 years of work without that happening, inevitably we will find ourselves in the same place we are coming out of. Our hope is that the Lord uses this time to help us better understand the foundational role that relationship must play in our lives. If this happens I believe I'll be able to re-enter the workforce in such a way that relationship is no longer the thing I squeeze in and around everything else, but rather a foundation upon which I build other things on.