anxiety

Things have been a little crazy around here.. and by saying that I don't mean we have had a lot of things planned but I have had a rough week.  Have you ever had a time where you feel like you are being attacked from all angles? Thats how this week has been for me.

I havent talked about it much on here but sometimes I struggle with anxiety.  The smallest thing can happen and all the sudden I feel that dull ache in my chest, and that 'panic' like feeling comes over my body.  It has especially intensified since I had kids.

Like I said before the smallest things can set it off.  For instance if Hosanna's scheduled gets "off", my mind starts racing with thoughts of how the entire day is going to be messed up now.

Other times for no reason it gets set off.  I can have an amazing day with my kids, but when I lay my head on my pillow I just feel anxious.  I come up with things in my mind that I could have done better and end up spoiling the amazing day I just had, by instead focusing on my weaknesses.  I went to bed feeling defeated even though my day was far from bad.

Up until about six months ago I looked at anxiety and stress as just a normal part of my life.  I would use these things as excuses to be irritable with Jordan or to be in a bad mood or wallow with self pity.  God has since revealed to me that FEAR is sin.

It is so "common" and "acceptable" in our culture to use the words...
"I am so stressed." (fear of failure)
"I am worried about..." (fear of future)
When we experience shame we are experiencing the fear of being known.
When we experience guilt we are fearing the past.

All of those "feelings" are somewhat regular experiences I have.  This week the Lord was drawing this sin out of my life.  I went to bed the other night and just had an anxious/scared feeling over me.
Most often, I see sin in my life as actions I choose that are against God's will that will make my life "better" in my own mind.  Ex: gossiping about someone can make me feel better about myself... Putting myself before others allows my needs to be met promptly and leads to "comfort."

Fear is one of those HUGE sin areas that DOES NOT bring the instant gratifications that many other "sins" bring.  Instead it brings discomfort, heartache and turmoil.

The description of fear is mentioned 326 times in the Bible!! It is such an easy trap to fall into.  Although I know it is Satan who takes my faith away and causes me to fear.  I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR AGREEING WITH THESE LIES! It is my responsibility to confess that to the Lord and turn away from fear and TURN INTO faith in the Lord.

What this has looked like for me is praying a specific prayer of confession for whatever I have been stressed/afraid/anxious about.  I then DAILY have to make a decision when I feel the anxiety coming to give into those "feelings" or to turn away from them.  Memorizing scripture and worshipping God have been so helpful in reminding myself of who I put my faith into.  

This has been a very personal struggle for me but I felt prompted to share because I know many other people can relate.  Though I still struggle every day (even this moment) I am learning I do not have to be a slave to the spirit of fear but instead walk in the sonship God had promised me.