Marriage MATTERS

So I just typed out a huge post about how Jordan and I attended a Marriage Matters course.  As I hit send... it got deleted some how (siiigggghhh..)

Anyways.. short version.  One of the nights they gave each couple a ten dollar gift card to a different restaurant.. they also gave us a "worksheet" to go through while on the date.  It was a fun exercise to do and it made me feel like Jordan and I were dating again, because you ask such intentional, get to know you questions.

Attached is the questions.. you couples out there should print this off and take it on your next date.

Marriage Matters Date Night 

1. Take 15 minutes each to talk without interruption.  Share highlights of your week, lowlights and any feelings, thoughts, learnings about what’s going on in your life.  The one listening can only speak to ask clarifying questions or probing questions to ask how the one speaking feels about something.  Let the one speaking really feel listened to.  The one speaking should not be afraid to dump and let their feelings out.

 

2. Dr. John Gottman says that the couples who do well together are intimately familiar with each other’s world.  What they like, dislikes, think and feel about things.  He calls this information about the other a “Love Map”.  The Love Map is the relevant information about the other that tells us who they are and what they feel and think about life.  These things change as we change and get older.  These are many of the things we knew when we first met and have forgotten to update as we’re together for a while.  The Love Map reminds us to “know” our spouse.  When we know them, then our love for them will grow.  So let’s take the “Love Map” questionnaire. 

 

Go through the questions together.  Answer as many as you can about your partner.  Some of these seem silly and basic.  That’s ok.  Just go through it.  This is NOT a competition.  Our goal is NOT to shame the other if they don’t know as many as you might.  The point is to connect and enjoy one another, and to grow in our “knowing” of one another.  This will take time.  DON’T RUSH THIS!  Enjoy the “knowing”. 

1. Name two of my closest friends.
2. What is my favorite musical group, composer or instrument?
3. What was I wearing when we first met?
4. Name one of my hobbies.
5. Where was I born?
6. What stresses am I facing right now?
7. Describe in detail what I did today, or yesterday.
8. When is my birthday?
9. What is the date of our anniversary?
10. Who is my favorite relative?
11. What do I love most about my relationship with God?
12. What is my biggest struggle in my relationship with Jesus?
13. What is my fondest unrealized dream?
14. What is my favorite flower?
15. What is one of my greatest fears or disaster scenario?
16. What is my favorite time of day for lovemaking?
17. What makes me feel most competent?
18. What turns me on sexually?
19. What is my favorite meal?
20. What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
21. What is my favorite color?
22. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
23. What kind of present would I like best?
24. What was one of my best childhood experiences?
25. What was my favorite vacation?
26. What is one of my favorite ways to be soothed?
27. Who is my greatest source of support?
28. What is my favorite sport?
29. What do I most like to do with time off?
30. What is one of my favorite weekend activities?
31. What is my favorite getaway place?
32. What is my favorite movie?
33. What are some of the most important events coming up in my life?  How do I feel about them?
34. What are some of my favorite ways to work out?
35. Who was my best friend in childhood?
36. What is one of my favorite magazines?
37. Name one of my major rivals or “enemies.”
38. What would I consider my ideal job?
39. What do I fear most?
40. Who is my least favorite relative?
41. What is my favorite holiday?
42. What kinds of books do I most like to read?
43. What is my favorite TV show?
44. Which side of the bed do I prefer?
45. What am I most sad about?
46. Name one of my concerns or worries?
47. What medical problems do I worry about?
48. What was my most embarrassing moment?
49. What was my worst childhood experience?
50. Name two of the people I most admire.
51. Name my major rival or enemy.
52. Of all the people we both know, who do I like the least?
53. What is one of my favorite desserts?
54. What is my social security number?
55. Name one of my favorite novels.
56. What is my favorite book of the Bible?
57. What is my least favorite book of the Bible?
58. What is my favorite restaurant?
59. What are two of my aspirations, hopes, wishes?
60. Do I have a secret ambition? What is it?
61. What foods do I hate?
62. What is my favorite animal?
63. What is my favorite song?
64. What is my favorite physical attribute?
65. Which sports team is my favorite?

 
 

3. Spend the next several date nights that you have developing your “Love Maps” together.  As you do so do not make assessments about your partner.  Just discover them.  Discover or rediscover the following areas of your partners life:
1. The Cast of characters in your partners life:

• Friends and Potential Friends

• People you struggle with

 

2. Recent Important events in my partner’s life:

• Upcoming events – what my partner is looking forward to or dreading
 

• My partner’s current stresses and worries

• My partner’s hopes and aspirations (for self and for others)

 

3. My triumphs and strivings, my hurts and healings:

• Discuss things in your life that you’re really proud of.
 

• How these successes shaped your life? How have they shaped the way you think and feel about yourself? How have they affected goals in your life?

• Discuss the most difficult periods you’ve gone through.

• How have these shaped your life?  How have they strengthened you?  How do they affect you now?

 

4. Spiritual life:

• What do you feel and think about God? (Jesus and Holy Spirit too.)
 

• What is the most difficult thing about your relationship with Jesus?

• What helps you feel closest to Jesus?  What do you love most about God?

• What is your greatest challenge in your ability to grow closer to Jesus?

 

• What areas of ministry excite you and make you come alive most?

 

5. Encouragement:

• What do you love most about your partner?  What are the things you enjoy doing most with your partner? 
 

• Spend some time praying with and for each other.

• Commit to revisit your “Love Map” annually to update and keep discovering.